Love & Ruin (The Love & Ruin Series Book 1) Page 11

  I wiped the tears away and inhaled a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I thought Kendra was an ex-girlfriend. It makes sense now, why you and Mac are so close.”

  Hendrix nodded, took a deep breath, standing slowly. “Every day it haunts me. I should have never left her, how I failed her, and how fast that goddamned car was going. They never stopped.” His hands fisted, pain etched across his face. “Her little body flew up and over the hood. They. Never. Fucking. Stopped,” he said, his words sharp with anger. He rubbed his palms over his cheeks and stared at the ceiling before returning his gaze to mine.

  I stopped breathing and watched helplessly as he relived the most horrifying minutes of his life. My attention never left him as I stood, my heart broken for him and the young man who saw his sister die. I shut my eyes against the racing thoughts, realizing how much he blamed himself for what happened.

  “I’m sorry,” he said breathlessly.

  My eyelids fluttered open in time to see him step toward me. He rested his hands gently on my shoulders and placed his warm lips on mine.

  Shock sparked through me and quickly transformed into a delicious warmth I’d never experienced before. His soft mouth remained on mine, and I slowly lifted my hand and threaded my fingers through his hair. I sighed softly against his lips, my first real kiss. And although my emotions were running amuck, I sank into him, and for a second I allowed myself to be happy.

  He stepped back, worry lines creasing his forehead while he studied me.

  “Sorry. I couldn’t wait.” His shoulders tensed as he waited for me to say something. Instead, I stood still and stared at him. “I shouldn’t have done that without asking first. I guess the music, being alone with you, and Kendra—I just lost it.”

  “Don’t. Don’t apologize,” I said quietly. “I’m the one who should be apologizing for being an insensitive brat.”

  “You didn’t know. It’s not something I talk about, so if you have any questions, you should ask them now.” He leaned against the console and folded his arms across his chest. I knew this had to be beyond difficult for him. And the fact he trusted me with this part of himself blew my mind a little.

  I nodded. “Where was your mom?” I sat back down, never taking my attention off him.

  “She left Dad, but she also left me. I haven’t seen her since I was two. In fact, I don’t even know where she is or what she looks like now. I have pictures of her from before I was born, nothing else. Eventually, you give up hope of someone ever coming back, ya know? So I finally packed her stuff away. Janice became my mom after that, and it stayed that way.”

  “Oh,” I whispered. What in the world was I supposed to say about any of it?

  “I realize it’s a lot to take in. It still screws me up.”

  “Yeah, I think some things change you for life, and bits and pieces of it linger in the back of your mind, haunting you no matter what you do to move on.” I tugged on the side of my hat.

  “Sounds like you know something about that,” he said, shoving his hands in his jean pockets.

  “Unfortunately, yes—” My voice trailed off as the memories came rushing back. “Why did you tell me all of this, Hendrix? You didn’t have to. Ever.” I tilted my head, carefully watching emotions play out on his face, waiting for his answer.

  “Well, I want you to sing with me, but more than that, Gemma, I want you to trust me. In order for you to really do that, I have to show you everything. Not just the good parts, or only the pieces I think you should see. You need to see my scars, too. If you really know who I am, as a man, then maybe—” He paused, hope flickering in his expression.

  “Maybe?” I asked softly.

  “Maybe we can both stop being afraid to love someone. I’m as afraid as you are to take a chance, but I can’t stay away, Gemma. I’ve been waiting for someone like you for a very long time.”

  “Hendrix,” I whispered, unsure of what to say. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. A ball of emotions exploded inside me, and I shoved them aside until I had more time to deal with everything.

  “All I ask is that you think about it. The more time I spend with you, the harder I’m falling, and I needed to tell you. I don’t expect anything to change or for you to even feel the same. Just please don’t stop singing with me and hanging out. You’re the best part of my day.”

  I nodded. “Okay, I can at least give you that, hanging out and singing.” My heart split me in two. One part of me wanted to hug and kiss him, and the other part of me wanted to run right back to Louisiana and pretend none of this was happening. Regardless, I was afraid it was too late. He’d reached me in a way I’d never thought was possible, and even then, I wasn’t sure if I could fully accept what he was offering.

  “It’s late, and I need to go back to the dorm.” I knew the moment I said it he’d see right through me, but if I stayed any longer, I’d do something stupid. I’d break down and kiss him. Between him trusting me enough to share Kendra's story and admitting he cared about me, I was on emotional overload. Again. My cheeks flushed, and I bit my lip where his had been minutes before.

  “At least we got some music written. And now you’re singing with me live, so this is a good thing.” A smile cracked through his sadness as he stood and held his hand out to mine.

  “Mm, I set myself up for that one. Now I’m going to sing live in front of a ton of people.” I wrinkled my nose. “But we won’t be singing it for a while, right?”

  “We still have some things to work out, so yeah, you have a bit of time.”

  I nodded.

  Neither one of us found it necessary to talk as he walked me back to the dorm. My mind churned through everything he’d shared with me. And the kiss. I groaned inwardly. Nineteen and never been kissed—until tonight.

  We stopped in front of the steps that led to the front door of my building. Although I needed to sift through everything, for the first time, I didn’t want him to leave.

  I turned toward Hendrix as he stepped closer, only mere inches between us.

  “Can I kiss you again?” His voice was deep and husky, making me tremble with...so many feelings.

  I nodded, unable to find any words.

  My eyelids fluttered closed as his lips brushed gently against mine, his hand stroking my face. I struggled to keep my feet planted and not stumble backward or drop to the ground from my knees turning into jelly.

  He kissed me again and took a step back.

  “I realize it was a lot, but I did have a good time tonight,” he said. “My favorite part was kissing you, though.” He smiled his damned panty-dropping smile, and for the first time, I wondered if my panties might drop next.

  Heat permeated my cheeks, and I thanked God it was dark, and maybe he wouldn’t be able to tell how much he’d affected me.

  “Mine too,” I whispered.

  Hendrix kissed me one more time before he gave my hand a gentle squeeze and slipped away. Lightheaded, I strolled into my dorm. Unable to hide my smile, my hand touched my lips. His mouth had been so soft, gentle. He hadn’t rushed anything, just a sweet lingering kiss. Perfection.

  Chapter 11

  “Oh my God,” Mac’s voice echoed through the hall. “You’re going to be my sister-in-law!”

  She bounded toward me and hugged me until I couldn’t breathe.

  “Mac!” I scolded and pushed her away. “What are you doing down here?”

  “I’m so excited. How was it? I told you he liked you, but no, you didn’t believe me. Oh my God, this is going to be so awesome,” she squealed as she bounced up and down on her tiptoes.

  “He told me about Kendra,” I said.

  Mac’s mouth dropped, and she stopped bouncing. “Shit.”

  “Yeah, it was intense, and I’m trying to wrap my head around it.”

  “So double whammy tonight,” she said, looping her hand through my arm as we strolled past a few other girls and made our way up the stairs to our room.

  “Double?”
I asked, confused.

  “Yeah, first Hendrix told you about Kendra, and then he kissed you,” she responded, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

  “Oh no, it was a triple whammy night, Mac.” I sighed as we opened our door and both plunked down on my bed.

  “If you cleaned your side of the room and made your bed on occasion we’d sit on your side, too,” I mentioned, pointing to the mess of junk scattered everywhere.

  “I like yours better. Besides, I don’t have to keep mine clean since you take care of yours. I know there’s always a place to sit.” She beamed at me.

  Removing my hat and glasses, I rolled my eyes at her. “So glad I could help,” I said with a hint of snark.

  “Now tell me what else happened, sis.”

  My brows knitted at the reference. “Slow your roll, Mac. One kiss does not make me your sister-in-law. Besides, you might be planning my funeral soon.”

  “What?” Mac gasped. “Why would you say such a shitty thing?”

  “Because...” I chewed my bottom lip as I struggled for the words. “Because I bribed Hendrix and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell now.”

  “Dramatic much?” Mac asked, tapping her fingers on her leg. “Get to the point.”

  “Dammit, I was having fun screwing with you.” I was unable to hide my smile. “However, I might be somewhat serious about the funeral. Ugh, I can’t believe what I did.” I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes.

  “Spit. It. Out,” Mac demanded impatiently.

  “I agreed to sing live with Hendrix and the band,” I blurted in one breath.

  To my surprise, Mac was speechless, but it didn’t last long.

  “I’m sorry, you did what?” She shifted and sat on her knees, facing me. “How in shit’s name did he get you to agree to that?”

  “I know, right?” My nose wrinkled as I glanced at her. “We kind of bribed each other. Well, wait, let me back up a bit. He asked me out first, and then I asked about Kendra.”

  “Oh. My. God. You’re going out with my brother!” She bounced on the bed, squealing.

  “Mac! Wait, there’s more.”

  She peered at me with one eye. “More?”

  “Do you want the whole story or not?”

  “Yeah,” she said, settling down again.

  “When he asked me out, I said I needed more time. When I asked him about Kendra, he said he needed more time as well. But he would tell me about her when I went out with him. I thought Kendra was an ex, though. I was super curious so...I pushed him into talking about her. I told him if he shared with me about Kendra right then, I’d sing with him on the song we’re working on—behind the curtain, but not on the stage.”

  Mac gasped. “You agreed to sing in front of people? Holy shit, does this get any better? I mean, Hendrix does realize what a major thing this is, right?”

  I frowned at her. “Uh, yeah?”

  “No, I mean of course he does, but you’re the shyest person I’ve ever known. Not to mention you don’t like people from what I can tell, and you hide yourself. Am I the only person who knows what you look like without the hat and glasses?” Her voice softened with the last question.

  I hesitated. “Yeah,” I whispered. “Hendrix hasn’t ever seen me without them.”

  “Oh, Gemma.” Mac reached for my hand. “Don’t you understand?”

  I stared at her, our gazes locked while I waited for her to explain. “He likes you for you. Not what you wear or what you look like. Gemma, he sees your heart, who you are beyond everything else. Like I do.”

  My chin quivered, and my eyes brimmed with tears. Did I dare to hope he was the real thing? That maybe, just maybe, I could pick up enough of the pieces left of my shattered life and live again?

  “Don’t take my word for it, though. Go out with him.”

  “I have taken your word for it. It’s the only reason I’ve even been alone with him, much less let him hold my hand or kiss me.” I reached up and touched my lips, my attention dropping to the floor, my cheeks flushing with the memory.

  “Wait, how did I not guess this before? Gemma, was Hendrix your first kiss?”

  I shot her an angry glance as I jumped off the bed and turned my back on her. “I’m not discussing this with you or anyone else,” I huffed. Dammit, how had I been so transparent with her? I missed my hat and glasses already.

  “Wait, don’t be mad. There’s no judgment. None. I just, I mean, best friends talk about this stuff.” Mac got up from my bed and turned me around to look at her. “Now that I think about it, it makes sense. You’re shy and don’t let anyone get close to you. Well, other than me. But it’s beside the point. You’ve never had a boyfriend?” she asked, her question gentle and compassionate.

  “Fine. No, Mac, I haven’t. Hendrix was my first. Like the first guy to hold my hand, the first guy to ask me out, and the first guy to kiss me. Happy?” I stomped back toward my bed and flopped down on the side of it.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I picked at my nails, frustration rising inside me.

  “For trusting me.”

  My head snapped up. She’d somehow turned into my best friend, and even though she blurted shit out sometimes unintentionally, I trusted her.

  “Do not share this with Hendrix. I mean it, Mac. I will never speak to you again. This is for me to share with him.”

  “I understand. I won’t say a word, not even in a blubbering idiot moment. I promise.” She sat down next to me. “I’ve only had one boyfriend if it makes you feel any better.”

  “Really?” I asked, shocked. “You’re so pretty and funny, and so nice. I don’t understand.”

  “Have you met me?” She giggled.

  I couldn’t hide my smile.

  “Not everyone loves my ball of energy. And, oh my God, can I be a first date mess.”

  A giggle burst out of me as I imagined her eating dinner and never shutting up, the poor guy on the other side of the table cringing and checking his watch.

  “What was his name?”

  Mac hesitated briefly. “Asher. We were together for over two years in high school. He was my first everything, too. So I understand the nerves, fear, excitement, and overthinking everything, Gemma. I swear to you, you’re in good hands with Hendrix.”

  “Promise?” I asked, fear threading through me.

  “You have my word that if he hurts you, I’ll make sure he can never have children,” she said, placing her fisted hands on her hips.

  I barked out a laugh. “Let’s not go to extremes, but thank you. Since you know him so well, I do feel safer.” I paused, biting my thumbnail. “I think I might want to go out with him, but I’m terrified, Mac. I’m so fucking terrified.” Tears slipped down my cheeks at the thought of being in public with him, but alone at the same time. He’d pick me up and bring me back to the dorm, plus we’d have time alone in the Uber. Nausea turned my stomach as my mind raced with the possibilities. At least with an Uber we’d have a driver, and nothing could go wrong, right?

  “Hey, wow. That was intense for a minute. Where’d you go?” She waved her hand in front of my face.

  I blinked away the tears, my head hanging down while I took a deep breath.

  “Whatever happened in the past, it’s not Hendrix.”

  Mac and I sat silently, both knowing what I couldn’t verbalize.

  “I’m proud of you for trying,” she said and reached for my hand.

  I nodded and attempted to regain my composure. “How am I going to do this?” I asked, looking at her.

  “Well, let’s make an exit plan for your date. We will go over every detail of what to do if you suddenly feel unsafe. Okay? So, by the time you walk out of here, you’ll feel great about everything. We can do this.”

  “Yeah? You’d do that for me?”

  “Hell yeah, bestie!” She yelled and engulfed me in a bear hug.

  I laughed through my tears and hugged her back.

  For the next few hours, Mac and I planned my
first date with Hendrix—every possible scenario and escape route. By the time we finished, we were both exhausted and a little punch drunk.

  “Are you doing better now?” Mac asked, stifling a yawn and crawling into her bed.

  “I think so. I feel like I’m planning a special ops mission instead of a date,” I said, laughing. “Thank you for all the help.”

  “Please, if anyone is going to be with my brother, I’d rather it be you. There are so many girls after him, ugh, it’s disgusting. Just because he’s good looking and can sing, every female goes into spontaneous heat when they see him. You’re different, though. You don’t want anything from him, and it was all so innocent. I mean, how you fell for him.”

  “What?” I choked. “I have not fallen for him.”

  “Girl, please, keep lying to yourself. We just sat here for two hours planning your first date with him. A date that he doesn’t even know about. It’s after two in the morning. You’ve never stayed up this late with me.”

  My lips pursed as I realized she was right. “Sorry,” I muttered. “I’m a bit rattled.”

  “Don’t be. Besides, he doesn’t know you’re going out with him yet, so there’s no need to stress about it.”

  “Yeah, guess you’re right. You and I are the only two who know anything, right? I mean, I told him I needed more time, which means I can take however long I need.”

  “No, that’s not what it means. You’ll keep putting it off. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, you tell him you’re going out with him. We’ve figured everything out, including back up plans. You’ve got this. And if you find yourself scared on the date, just start singing, he’ll join in, and everything else will fade into the background.”

  “Ha! You’re probably right. Nothing seems to matter when the music starts.”

  “Tomorrow then?” she asked, staring at me expectantly.

  “Sure.”

  “You gotta say it. You don’t get to be all ho-hum and brush me off.”

  “Fine. Mac, I’ll tell him I’ll go out with him on a date tomorrow if I see him.”

  “Ha! You’re so full of shit. You’ll see him,” she said, bouncing on her bed.