Whispers of Her (The Truth Series Book 3) Page 16

  “Alright,” I said and frowned as I watched him pull away. I ran across the parking lot and up the stairs. Emma was pulling out food for a salad. I’d been too nervous to eat before the test.

  “No Walker, huh?” she asked as she pulled out the tomato, lettuce, and cucumbers.

  “No, what happened? I looked back at you guys after the test, and he was pissed or something.”

  “Oh, you should’ve seen it from my side of the room. Walker and Jared were shooting each other looks all night.”

  “What kind of looks?” I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

  “Not friendly ones. They were more like, ‘she’s mine, get away from her.’”

  “Emma!” I groaned. “That’s not funny.”

  “I’m not trying to be funny. In fact, I think there were lightning bolts shooting out of their eyes too,” she said and grinned.

  “Really? Shit, that’s not good. I was hoping they might get along.”

  “I wouldn’t count on that. They have a mutual interest named Lacey Anne Beaumont.”

  “You’re so dramatic,” I said as I sat down at the table.

  “I told you this was going to come up again. When Jared was helping you with your belt, I thought Walker was going to walk right over there and smack him.”

  “Well, Walker boxes, so I doubt it would be a smack. And Jared’s a fifth-degree black belt. He’d block that punch before it ever reached him.”

  “That would probably be a well-matched fight, if you ask me.”

  “No! I don’t want them fighting. I don’t want them to act like cavemen, either. What is wrong with them? Can’t they get along?”

  “What’s wrong with them is that they’re both in love with you.”

  “Jared is not in love with me,” I huffed.

  “Oh yes he is. I saw how he looked at you, and so did Walker. You can’t blame Walker for being upset. He’s here almost every day, and he told you he’s still in love with you. I’m not sure what you think is going on with Jared, but it was very clear to everyone else who was there tonight.”

  “Shit, shit, shit. What am I going to do?”

  “There’s nothing you can do tonight, so get some food and some sleep. You can figure it out tomorrow.”

  I leaned back in my chair and let out a heavy sigh. She made it sound so easy.

  Chapter 25

  The next evening, I arrived ten minutes early for the kids’ class. Parents huddled in groups and chatted about how well their kid was doing and what belt they’d test for next. I’d never realized they were so competitive. What happened to the kids learning to protect themselves from bullies and having some confidence?

  I went to the bathroom and changed into my gi. I’d decided I didn’t like walking to and from the dojo in it. Too many cars honked at me, and the guys whistled. I’m sure they thought it was funny, but I wasn’t interested in the attention.

  I stuffed my clothes into my backpack and joined the kids on the floor. I stretched for a few minutes while the parents tied belts and straightened little gis. The kids were full of energy tonight; they were jumping all over the floor.

  I turned as I heard someone come down the stairs. Jared waved, but he didn’t smile like he normally did. I frowned as he walked right past me without saying anything. What the hell? Jared had never acted like that with me before.

  The class seemed like it lasted three times longer than it should have, but I was busier worrying about why Jared had given me the cold shoulder than helping the students. At least the kids hadn’t noticed. As long as they got to kick or punch something, they were happy.

  I changed my clothes and hung back after everyone had left.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as I approached Jared in the middle of the floor. “You seem like you’re mad at me,” I said softly.

  “Nope. Not mad.”

  “Then why didn’t you talk to me? You basically ignored me unless you needed me to do something in class.”

  “I’m just in a bad mood. Can’t I have a bad day sometimes?”

  “Of course you can, but if it’s not my fault that you’re having a bad day, it would be nice if you didn’t treat me like it was.”

  I stared at the floor as my stomach flipped. I suspected something was up, and I didn’t really want to know what it was.

  “I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s your fault,” he said as he began a kata. I moved out of his way. He snapped out a punch and a roundhouse kick as I watched. I’d never seen Jared irritated before, but I was pretty sure he was pissed about something.

  “Did I screw up the books or the checking account?” My heart began to pound with each second that he didn’t respond. Whether or not I wanted to admit it, Jared was the one person I didn’t want mad at me. I spent most of my time with him.

  “Nope,” he said.

  “Okay, well, you obviously don’t want to talk to me, so I’ll leave,” I said and bit my bottom lip. I turned away from him, slipped on my shoes, and grabbed my backpack.

  “Wait,” he said.

  I slowly turned to face him. He rubbed his hand across his jaw as he searched my face.

  “It’s been a shitty day.”

  “Jared, just talk to me. Please. If I’ve done something . . .” my voice trailed off. “Just give me a chance to fix it.”

  His eyes softened as we walked toward each other. I stopped a few steps before I reached him, but he didn’t. His arm slipped around my waist as he pulled me into him. His fingers threaded through my hair and then cradled the back of my neck as his lips met mine. His mouth was warm and gentle, and I leaned into him as everything inside me melted. Heat stirred in my body as his kiss deepened and his hold on my waist tightened. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be wanted. My body responded with a deep longing as I slid my hand inside his gi and touched his bare chest. Our lips parted, and he groaned as our tongues met.

  Xander’s face flickered through my thoughts as Jared continued to kiss me.

  I quickly pulled away.

  “Oh my God,” I whispered. “I’m . . . Jared, I . . .” I stammered as I struggled for words.

  He stepped backward, regret filling his handsome face.

  “I need to tell you something,” I said.

  “Shit,” he muttered as he peered up at the ceiling.

  “Can we go somewhere? If I fall apart on you, I don’t want anyone to see me.”

  Jared frowned and then took my hand and led me up the stairs to his apartment.

  “I need a minute,” I said and attempted a smile.

  “Okay, I’m going to change.” His shoulders slumped as he walked toward his bedroom.

  I grabbed a bottled water from his refrigerator and sat down on the dark-green love seat. The kitchen and living area were one open room, with the bathroom down the hall. The office and Jared’s bedroom were the only other rooms.

  I sighed and rubbed my forehead. What had I been thinking? I couldn’t have feelings for him. It was too soon. His kiss had surprised me, and so had my reaction.

  “Alright, let’s talk,” he said as he came out of his bedroom. My breath hitched as he walked out in his Levi’s and no shirt. My eyes traveled across his muscular chest and arms and down his rippled stomach. I stared as he opened the hall-closet door and grabbed a T-shirt off a hanger. He joined me on the love seat and slipped it on.

  “That kiss,” I said as my cheeks warmed. “Was amazing. You completely caught me off guard, though. I need to tell you some things, and I hope you can understand. So, just please let me talk and then I’ll answer any questions you have.”

  Jared nodded.

  “Do you remember the first time you met me?” I asked. “I barely remember it because I was so drunk.”

  “Yeah, you walked in front of a car.”

  I glanced down at the love seat as I tried to choose my next words. “My last boyfriend beat me, taped my hands and feet, and kicked me in the stomach until I lost our baby.”

  “What the fuck!
” Jared exclaimed.

  “There’s more,” I said. “He poured gasoline all through the house and set it on fire. Then, he left me there to die.”

  “Jesus, Lacey,” Jared said as his brows knitted together. “It makes sense now. You mentioned a fire that first day we met.”

  “That’s why you saw me so drunk. I’d only been home for a few weeks. I couldn’t sleep, I wouldn’t eat, I hated everyone, and I didn’t want to be alive. My emotions still tend to run off the charts. Some days I feel better, other days I’m angry and depressed. I didn’t know what to do with those emotions until you invited me to train. But as you saw, being around a lot of men still rattles me really bad. Jared, I care about you so much. You’re the reason I get half a night’s sleep, but I haven’t been with anyone since I lost the baby, and I mean that in every sense of the word. And I hate to be cliché right now, but my life is complicated. I can’t drag you into it. You’re my boss, my sensei, and more than that, my friend. I don’t want to lose what we have. I feel safe with you.”

  Jared sat quietly as we held each other’s gaze. “How long has it been since it happened?”

  “It feels like yesterday,” I whispered. “Almost three months.”

  “I didn’t know,” he said.

  “Walker saved me,” I blurted.

  Jared’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “He flew out to Oregon and came to find me. But what he found was me beaten and bloody inside a burning house.”

  Jared’s jaw tightened and his hands balled up into fists. I couldn’t tell if it was the mention of Walker’s name or imagining me like that.

  “You mentioned he was your ex-fiancé.”

  “Yeah, and he flew out to see if we could fix things. He just hadn’t counted on me being the thing that needed to be fixed.”

  I bit my lip as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

  “Do you still have feelings for him?” Jared asked.

  “Jared,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “He’s back in my life. I’m not sure what that means exactly, except that he got me through some very dark days after the fire. I don’t know how to answer your question. We have a past, and I think part of me will always care about him. The last thing I ever imagined was sitting on this love seat having this conversation with you, though. I don’t want things to change between us. I love training with you. I love helping with the kids, and I love seeing you every day, but that’s all I can give you right now.”

  Silence filled the air, and my hands trembled as I took a sip of water. The next words out of his mouth would be the deciding factor. If he couldn’t handle being friends, I would no longer have a job or a sensei, and I didn’t think I could deal with losing them both.

  “I wouldn’t have kissed you if I’d known. I knew someone hurt you, but I had no idea. I’m sorry. I’ll tell you now, though. I will kill him if I ever see him.”

  “No way. You can’t get involved.”

  “Too late. I already am. As your sensei, it’s my job to train you to protect yourself. I’ll teach you everything I can, but I promise you that if he shows up, I’ll make sure he never hurts you again,” he said as his jaw tightened again.

  I paused for a minute.

  “Are we okay?” I asked. “I should’ve stopped you when you kissed me. I was just surprised. I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want to hurt you either.”

  “We’re good, Lacey. Please, don’t be concerned about anything.”

  “You’re sure?” I asked.

  “Promise,” he said and stood up. He held his hand out and pulled me up for a hug.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. I stayed in his arms for a moment, and then we let each other go.

  Chapter 26

  Confusion clouded my thoughts as I left the dojo and started walking home. Jared’s kiss still lingered on my lips. Did he really understand where I was coming from? Or was this the beginning of our relationship falling apart? Less training, awkward silences, little lies about our feelings? Unfortunately, the only way I would find out was to go back to the dojo tomorrow.

  “Hey,” I said to Emma as I walked into the apartment. I scanned the living room for any sign of Walker, but I didn’t see him.

  “He’s not here,” Emma said and laughed as she rinsed a plate off and loaded it into the dishwasher. “He got called into work early. He said to tell you he’ll be here tomorrow after you’re finished at the dojo.”

  “Oh thank God,” I said and dropped my backpack by the door.

  “Well good grief, what’s that all about?” Emma asked. “I thought you guys were working things out.”

  I pulled a chair out and slid into it.

  “Are you alright?” Emma asked as she dried off her hands on the dish towel.

  “I don’t know. I just had this amazing kiss with Jared and . . .” I said and groaned. I covered my face with my hands.

  “What?” Emma squealed. “Lacey, you didn’t.”

  “I did!” I exclaimed. “Shit,” I said as a tear snuck down my cheek.

  “Oh no,” Emma said and pulled out a chair to sit with me. “What happened?” she asked as she patted my hand.

  “I’m so confused, and I shouldn’t be confused about a guy. It’s only been three months since the fire, and”—I hiccupped through the tears—“I don’t know what I feel right now. I don’t want to feel anything. I just want to train and get a full night’s sleep. I want the nightmares to stop, and I don’t want to be afraid that when I turn the corner, Xander or Mama will be standing there. I don’t want to be confused about any guy,” I said and sniffled.

  “Have you considered that maybe the reason you’re attracted to Jared is because you feel safe with him? I’m not trying to be mean, but I think, at least in the past, that’s how you’ve chosen the guys you’re with. Now, don’t get me wrong. Jared’s gorgeous, and any girl would be blind not to notice that. But you spend a lot of time with him, and he’s giving you something you’ve never had before. He’s teaching you to protect yourself. There has to be a part of you that’s afraid to lose him for that reason alone.”

  I frowned at her as I brushed the tears from my cheek. “You sure you didn’t get a degree in psychology instead of nursing? What the hell, Emma?” I said and let out a little laugh.

  “No, but we did study psychology, and one of the nurses I work with has a degree in it.”

  “You told her about me, didn’t you?” I asked. My heart dropped at the idea that someone else knew what I’d been through.

  “Lacey, I’m sorry. I did. I needed to know how to help you. And honestly, I don’t talk to anyone but her and Walker about everything you’ve been through. It breaks my heart, and I just need to talk to someone. She won’t tell a soul. I promise. Ya know, I really don’t even give Mom and Daddy details.”

  I rubbed my forehead. I couldn’t ask Emma not to talk about it. I couldn’t imagine how she must feel. “I get it.”

  “Oh gosh, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I can’t imagine how hard this has been for you. You talk to whoever you need to,” I said and attempted a smile.

  “Thank you. Now, let’s get back to more interesting things, like Jared.”

  I groaned.

  “So, what did you do?”

  “What do you think I did? I kissed him back!” I said and cringed.

  “Was it good?” Emma asked as her eyebrow rose.

  My face reddened as I remembered the kiss.

  “You don’t have to say a word—it’s literally written all over your face,” Emma said.

  “It freaked me out. He took me totally off guard, and then I melted. I mean, into a big puddle on the floor. But seconds after, I saw Xander’s face, and that was that. I pulled away and told him we needed to talk.”

  “What did you say?”

  “There wasn’t anything I could say except the truth. I told him about Oregon and what happened. And then I said I could only be his friend. That I didn’t have anything to
give him anyway.”

  “Was he upset?” Emma asked, her eyes intent on my face as she waited for my reply.

  “I was shocked, but he actually apologized. He said he had no idea what I’d been through, and if he had, he’d never have kissed me. I think he felt bad, but then he told me that if he ever saw Xander, he’d kill him.”

  “Oh geez! I mean, I’m not on team Xander by any means, but killing someone is a big deal. I have a feeling he’d know how to do it, too.”

  “I know. But what are the chances Jared and Xander would ever meet? Right?” I asked, trying to convince myself of the impossibility.

  “He’s in prison. Walker made sure of that.”

  I nodded.

  “You know what? I’m proud of you.” Emma said.

  “For what? Screwing up my life and everyone else’s too?”

  “No, for talking to Jared. For being honest and not just running to him because he’s there.”

  “Sometimes I wonder if it would help me to be with someone again. I mean, maybe it would give me something good to think about. I’m not explaining it well. When I close my eyes at night, I see Xander’s sneer as he watched me and lit the house on fire. I feel his hands on my body, his kiss, his threats whispered in my ear at night. If I was with Jared, it would be his hands, his kiss, his whispers. I know that’s terrible to say, but sometimes I want to be with him because I can’t get away from Xander,” I said softly.

  “I know you, Lacey. I know you don’t have a mean bone in your body. You’d never lead someone on like that just to make yourself feel better. Do you really want to be with Jared?”

  I tapped my fingers on the table and sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you don’t have to figure everything out today. Just get to know him, train, get healthy, laugh more,” she said, smiling. She couldn’t hide the hint of sadness in her eyes. “Sometimes, the best we can do is just keep things simple and focus on one thing at a time. What’s that one thing for you?”

  “That I don’t ever want to let anyone hurt me again.”

  “Then that’s it. That’s the reason you get up every day, that’s the reason you train, eat, and sleep. And every time you get scared or overwhelmed, remember that reason.”