Love & Revelations: A Love & Ruin Novella (The Love & Ruin Series Book 6) Read online

  Love & Revelations

  A Love & Ruin Novella

  J.A. Owenby

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Reviews and More

  A note from the author:

  Other Books By J.A. Owenby

  About the Author

  Chapter 1

  “I don’t think religion saved my soul, Mac. It just screwed me up in the head.” I leaned back into the dark grey leather seat and stared out the passenger window of the car. My best friend, Mackenzie Worthington, known to her friends and family simply as Mac, kept her eyes on the road. We were returning from lunch at P.F. Chang’s followed by a bit of shopping at the Nordstrom in downtown Spokane.

  “You’re not screwed up in the head, Gemma. But does this have anything to do with Valentine's Day and all the ads and hype that are plastered everywhere you look? The displays of sexy lingerie, fruity flavored lubes, and edible body paint?”

  I winced and chewed on an imaginary hangnail. Mac and I had never discussed my hang ups about sex in depth, but she was right. Hendrix was the first and only guy I’d slept with, and my knowledge was limited. But more than that, I still struggled with my harsh religious upbringing that disapproved of a woman enjoying it, and if she did, she was considered a whore.

  “Well, with the God-fearing way you were raised, I can see why you say that.” Mac giggled, tucking a loose strand of brown hair from her ponytail behind her ear. “I mean, your father forced religion down your throat, yet he was a monster. It was confusing, to say the least …” Mac bit her lip and cringed. “I’m sorry Gemma, I shouldn’t have laughed.”

  Mac had no filter. While most people understood it wasn’t always appropriate to share everything they were thinking, Mac’s brain fired so rapidly shit flew out of her mouth before she realized it. She was forever apologizing, but she’d come a long way since I’d met her on my first day at college, and we discovered we were roomies. Besides, if she wasn’t so forward, I think I’d miss it. Her directness never left you guessing where you stood with her, but overall she was a bundle of energy and love.

  “Don’t be. There’s no right or wrong thing to say when you find out your father has no conscience.” I shifted in my seat, unwilling to allow that man to take up space in my head. I also reminded myself I was free and never had to come face to face with him again.

  “Well, Valentine’s Day is only a week away. Have you decided on a gift for Hendrix? Some sexy pics? Cooking dinner wearing only a frilly apron? Maybe acting out a sexual fantasy?”

  “What?” I gaped at her. Wasn’t it weird that Mac was asking for details since Hendrix was her brother? “Are you serious?”

  Mac turned the radio down and glanced sideways in my direction.

  “Mac, keep your eyes on the road. Women do things like ... act out fantasies with their boyfriends?" I gulped. "I'm not sure I'm cut out for that. Besides, I'd never share that with you anyway!” Butterflies scattered in my chest. This was not a topic I was comfortable discussing. I glanced up as a dark snow cloud floated over us. The trees remained stripped of their leaves, and I longed for spring when the grass would transform into a lush green and flowers added brilliant brushstrokes of color everywhere I could see.

  Mac nearly steered her silver Kia into the ditch as she stammered and gawked at me. “Gem-ma. My poor brother.” She shook her head in disbelief. “We need to talk.”

  I folded my arms across my chest, my defenses kicking into high gear. I may have been living in Spokane for the last two years, but I grew up in the deep south, the epicenter of conservative thinking. It was common knowledge that God would banish you to the fiery pits of hell for sexual thoughts.

  Mac flipped her turn signal on then proceeded right on Blanchard Road toward the house she shared with her boyfriend, Cade Richardson. Mac and Cade had only recently moved in together, and so far, they loved it. I couldn’t be happier for them. After sharing a tour bus for three months with our band, August Clover, which included four additional people, I knew they were excited to have some privacy. Cade was the lead guitarist and had branched out into writing songs for the band as well as singing. He and Mac had known each other since high school, and even though Mac wasn’t in the band, she’d toured with us for a few months and their relationship had blossomed into something beautiful and romantic. Until I met Hendrix, I didn’t believe in soul mates. When Mac and Cade admitted their feelings for each other, it just confirmed that some people were genuinely meant for each other. Mac had definitely had her fair share of life’s challenges, including dealing with her ADHD, but Cade loved everything about her.

  Mac and Cade’s house was only a few miles from the home I shared with her brother and the love of my life, Hendrix Harrington. He was also the lead singer for August Clover. After I’d heard him perform one night at college, we ran into each other after the concert, and he walked Mac and I back to our dorm. We chatted outside the building, and before I knew it, Mac had talked him into singing, and I found myself harmonizing with him in front of a small crowd of people. Hendrix said it was that exact moment he fell in love with me. My chest warmed with the memory. So much had happened in the last few years. I was definitely a different person, but that was with the help and love of Mac and Hendrix.

  “Listen, best bestie ever, women have strong sex drives, too. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Mac pulled into the driveway of their two-story home, turned off the car, and focused her big brown eyes on me. She straightened out her black and blue flannel shirt and waited for me to answer.

  “Mac, sex has always been something you feel at ease with. It’s taken me a lot longer because of my fire and brimstone upbringing. And not only that … my past.” While now there were days I didn’t think about the painful memories, they had a way of still popping up uninvited.

  “Listen, vanilla sex is great, but you and Hendrix have been together for a while. You might want to think about turning it up a notch and adding some spice.” She wriggled her eyebrows at me, a lopsided grin spreading across her face.

  Heat crept up my neck and cheeks, and I silently cursed my pale skin. “Are we going inside or are we just going to sit in the car all afternoon?” The air had suddenly become stifling, and I grew more irritable by the second. I blew a strand of my red hair from my vision, swallowed hard, and delivered a swift kick in the ass to the religious indoctrination, including guilt and shame, that hammered my mind.

  “Oh no, we’re totally going in and discussing this some more.” Mac removed the keys from the ignition and hopped out of the vehicle. “Cade and Hendrix are at band practice so no one is here, but you already know that. I can’t wait to hear his new song they’re working on. That said, girl, we have plenty of time to talk.”

  “Oh, goody,” I muttered while I opened the car door. My tennis shoes scuffed against the cement driveway as I reluctantly followed Mac into her house. I was not looking forward to this conversation. As far as I was concerned, Hendrix and I had a fun and healthy sex life. Plus, I didn’t like sharing intimate details with anyone, not even my best friend.

  I slipped off my shoes and lined them up on the tile entryway. “It still smells like new carpet in here.”

  “I know. I love it. Since Cade bought the house, I’ve had a blast remodeling and putting our touch on it.”

  The plush, tan carpet pro
vided the right amount of contrast to the dark brown walls in the living room. A three-piece canvas painting depicting the ocean at sunset hung over the stone fireplace, adding a touch of blue and gold to the decor.

  My socked feet padded against the floor as I made my way through the living room and into the kitchen. The open concept floor plan allowed for easy conversation when we all gathered here, but somehow, everyone ended up on the kitchen barstools and in the dining area.

  Mac and Cade picked out marble counters and cherry wood cabinets that pulled everything together beautifully. The top-of-the-line stainless steel appliances added a nice touch, too.

  Mac tossed her keys on the counter and went straight for the liquor cabinet.

  “Isn’t day drinking considered unacceptable?” I quirked an eyebrow at her, totally judging. “Not to mention it’s a Tuesday.” She knew I was flipping her shit. When we were on tour, it didn’t matter what day of the week it was. We all drank.

  “Hey, I know exactly how to get you to loosen up and talk freely,” Mac smirked in response as she unscrewed the lid of the Crown Royal.

  I took a seat on a barstool as she poured us each a generous amount and topped it off with Coke.

  “Drink up, girl. We’re going to have a serious convo.” She slid the tumbler across the counter, her gaze glued to my face as she watched me take a healthy gulp. I’d need it.

  “Shit.” I coughed and sputtered as the alcohol burned the back of my throat. “More Coke,” I croaked and waved at her to top off my drink.

  “Fine.” She gave me a full-on eye roll but poured more soda into the glass. “All right. Listen, Gemma. There’s nothing wrong with some … toys or role play or … Besides, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. It would be the perfect time to give him something unexpected.”

  “What? No, Mac. No.” I shook my head vigorously. My mother would roll over in her grave if she were privy to this conversation. And, at that thought, resentment swirled deep in my chest. When would I break free from my past? Maybe … maybe Mac was right, and it was time for a change. A bit of spice as Mac had said. Over the last year, I’d defeated so many of the demons that had haunted me and taken steps into creating a wonderful life with Hendrix. Didn’t I deserve more? Didn’t I deserve to have a fun sex life without guilt or shame?

  “Hang on.” She held her hand up to silence my retort. “Hear me out.”

  I took a big gulp of my drink, bracing myself for the words that were forming on her lips.

  “I’m not talking ménage à trois or girl on girl or anything crazy. Hendrix would never even ask you to do something like that. I think he’d blow his shit if another dude touched you anyway … but turn up the heat with some toys like a vibrator or a cock ring. Cade can barely contain himself when he watches me with a magic wand, er, a vibrator, in case you didn't know.”

  “Mac!” My hands flew over my eyes as though I could stop the mental image of her and Cade playing with toys from assaulting my brain. “Omg. TMI.” I halted her from spilling additional sexcapade details.

  “Sorry.” Mac propped her elbow on the counter, her expression pleading with me to divulge some of my thoughts with her.

  “I love you to pieces, but I can’t do this right now.” I slid off the barstool and made a beeline to her bathroom down the hall. Closing the door, I leaned against it, my chest heaving with anxiety. I focused on the large mirror above the sink and the fluffy white towel that hung from the round towel holder. Did Hendrix really want to introduce toys and role play into our bedroom? Was he not happy? I willed my pulse to settle down and splashed cold water on my face. The only way to know for sure would be to ask him. I knew Mac’s heart was in the right place, but this scared me. Would he grow tired of me and want someone else? Suddenly, I recalled my mom sitting at our kitchen table in Louisiana when I was thirteen. She wore her red and white checked apron, snapping fresh peas from her garden for dinner. ‘Gemma, the key to holding onto a good man is learning to cook and entertaining him in the bed. If you don’t, they always stray.’ Shit. Shit. Shit.

  The soft sounds of Hendrix’s tenor voice reached my ears as I climbed the carpeted stairs to our bedroom. Hendrix’s wealthy father had purchased the riverfront house for him before we met, but Hendrix had taken great lengths to include me and my decorating taste. In his mind, it had immediately become our house the day I’d moved in. I’d selected the black and gold comforter and throw pillows on our king-sized bed. We’d chosen framed photography of Niagara Falls that hung over the cherrywood headboard and an Autumn in Vermont theme above the matching dresser. I paused and leaned on the doorframe, admiring him. He’d pulled his shoulder-length brown hair into a man bun, and I mentally fangirled. Even though we sang together side-by-side on stage, I still felt somewhat starstruck every time I looked at him. I was as famous as he was, but fame wasn’t on my radar. I was just me singing with my boyfriend and friends.

  He strummed his guitar and sang a few more words. His deep voice cradled me with every note, taking me to heaven. It was the best foreplay, in my opinion.

  Hendrix had lit one of our candles, Chocolate Mint, and the aroma permeated the entire house.

  “What are you working on, babe?” I entered the room and grabbed my burgundy Sherpa blanket off the back of the leather wingback chair. This was my favorite space in the house other than the recording studio downstairs. During the daytime, the floor to ceiling windows allowed for a breathtaking view of the Spokane River. I sank into the seat and tucked my feet beneath me. Spokane had seriously cold winters, the opposite of Louisiana where I’d grown up, but sharing the bed with the love of my life always warmed me up.

  “A new song.” He played a few more chords then placed the guitar in the case next to his bare feet. He stood and stretched, my attention greedily taking in his shirtless chest. “Did you and Mac have a good time together?” As he strolled over to me, I eyed his low-slung sweats and ab muscles as they rippled with his every move. Warmth swirled low in my belly, and I reached out and placed my hand on his firm bicep when he leaned down to plant a gentle kiss on my lips. Although Hendrix hadn’t boxed in a long time, he stayed in excellent shape by sparring and training with our former bodyguard, Pierce Westbrook.

  “I love your sister, you know that.” I pulled at a nonexistent thread on the blanket, attempting to gather my thoughts.

  “I do.” Hendrix sat on the floor next to me, and I parted my legs, allowing him to lay his head on my lap. I smoothed his hair while he peered up at me. We’d been together for over a year, but those brilliant blue eyes continued to melt me.

  “Is everything all right, Gem?” His hand caressed my knee.

  My forehead creased with a worry line. “She thinks I’m too vanilla in our sex life.” I bit my bottom lip, embarrassed I’d blurted out the topic.

  Hendrix chuckled. “That sounds like Mac. But, babe, she’s not in our bed with us.”

  “Thank God.” I pulled the blanket up over my chest. “But … but is sex with me boring? All I want in this world is to make you happy.”

  Hendrix’s expression grew serious. “Gemma.” He perched on his knees, reaching up to cup my face. His thumb traced a gentle circle on my cheek. “I love you. The sex is amazing because we have such a deep connection, please don’t ever doubt that. We could be vanilla the rest of our lives, and I’d die one hell of a happy man. Sometimes I think there’s too much pressure to … entertain in the bedroom. I’d never want you to cross a line that would make you regret us or question how much I love you. Babe, you’ve come so far. The only thing that matters is that you’re next to me.” He took my hand and kissed the one-and-a-half-carat pink diamond engagement ring on my finger. “You know we have amazing chemistry, but I fell in love with you because of your heart and the beautiful essence that is Gemma. And babe, anytime you forget that just remember the first time I saw you. You wore an ugly knit hat with your hair tucked up in it and dark tinted glasses that hid the color of your mesmerizing blue eyes. It
didn’t matter what you wore, I knew then that you were special.”

  My chest tightened with emotion. How had I landed such an amazing guy?

  “Are you saying you don’t want to make a video of us together? Or, do you want one of me using a vibrator? Should we experiment with some toys?”

  He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as though he struggled with his response. I didn’t miss his reaction to my questions, either. His dick was rock hard, and there was no denying it in the sweatpants he wore. Hendrix gently pulled up my navy-blue sweater and placed a light kiss above my belly button. “The mental visual of you with a vibrator obviously affected me, but nothing, and I mean nothing, is more important to me than your comfort level and happiness.”

  I’m not sure if Mac had planted a seed in my head or not, but with Hendrix’s reaction, curiosity was beginning to tug at me a little bit. Would I be comfortable trying something new with him? Every fiber in my being knew I was safe with Hendrix. But there were still those moments of panic that unexpectedly bombarded me as a result of being raped when I was fourteen.

  Chapter 2

  “Come here.” Hendrix stood and held his hand out to me.

  I tossed the blanket over the arm of the chair and joined him. He pulled me flush against his muscular body, and a soft moan slipped from my lips as his erection pressed against me.

  “Talk to me, babe. What do you want? Not me or Mac, but what does Gemma want?” He guided me to the bed and brushed his mouth against mine. His hand slid under my sweater, his fingertips dancing across my skin. “Where have you wanted to make love to me?” His breath tickled my ear, sending delightful shivers down my spine.