Love & Ruin (The Love & Ruin Series Book 1) Read online

  “I promise. Besides, your mom will call you before I will.”

  “Okay. I don’t want a call when or if it’s too late—” I whispered, my voice trailing off.

  “Now, you listen to me. I’m not dying. We caught it in time, the doctor’s assured me, so no more of this nonsense. You understand?” Dad’s tone was firm, like when I was younger. “Another thing? Clean up your mouth. It’s not appropriate for a young lady to swear.”

  A giggle escaped me. “Dad, I’m grown, and I’ve cussed for a long time. I’ll try and be more mindful around you, though.”

  “All right. Well, your mother wants me to go to the lake with her today and get some air, so I need to go. I’ll call in a few days, okay?”

  “Yeah. Have a great time and hug mom for me.” I tapped the end call button and fell back into my bed.

  “You can come back in now, Mac.” I didn’t even have to yell. I knew damned well she was on the other side of the door, hoping to hear something that would give her a clue about my past.

  The door creaked open slowly, and she slipped in, wearing a guilty expression.

  “Rude,” I said.

  “Yeah, I know. How can we be best friends and you dating my brother if I don’t know about your past?”

  One eyebrow shot up in denial. “I am not dating your brother. End of discussion.”

  She kicked through her pile of clothes on the floor and changed from her plaid pajamas into clean jeans and a red shirt. She might not know it, but she looked amazing in anything she wore. “Are you meeting him after classes?”

  “I haven’t heard anything from him. I rarely do. We typically just see each other at the library.”

  “Tell him I said, ‘hi’.” She grinned, gave me a wave, and slipped back out the door.

  It was nearly nine, and I needed to hurry if I didn’t want to be late for my class.

  Chapter 10

  The day crawled by, and I found myself excited about going to the library. I never knew if Hendrix would be there or not. However, I found myself hoping he would be today. The idea of singing with him again sent a shiver of excitement through me.

  I’d hurried across the campus and almost skipped through the front doors. I inhaled sharply when I saw him. Today he wasn’t across from my usual seat, he was next to it. My hands trembled, and I clutched my books closer to my chest in order to calm them. It made sense he wanted to sit next to me so we could look at the music together. I willed my feet forward, my pulse racing as I approached him.

  “Hey.” He smiled widely as he stood and pulled my chair out for me. He’d never done that before. Had he and Mac talked? I’d kill her if she’d spilled our conversation to him. Dread taunted me as I realized I would need to tell him about Brandon and the attack anyway.

  “Thanks,” I said, sitting in the chair he offered.

  Butterflies fluttered inside my stomach as his smile softened and he squeezed my hand. Heat traveled up my arm and through my body. His touch excited and terrified me at the same time. Could Mac be right? Did I inspire Hendrix? Was I different than anyone else he had ever met? Even if it were true, if he knew…I slammed the door shut on the thought fast and glanced at what he was working on.

  His fingers tapped incessantly on the table, his eyes traveling over my face, his expression suddenly growing grim. I frowned. Something was off. A strong suspicion nudged me.

  “Mac told you about Brandon, didn’t she?” I released his hand.

  He hesitated briefly. “Yes, but don’t be upset with her. Gemma, her heart was in the right place. She was scared. She is scared.”

  “I know,” I said, my voice hovering above a whisper. My gaze dropped to the floor, my hands wringing together in my lap. I didn’t want to talk about this. The entire situation with Brandon just needed to disappear, but I knew better.

  “Gemma, he’s dangerous,” he whispered fiercely. He glanced at the floor for a moment, his hand clenched into a tight fist on the table. His eyes traveled up again, his stare intense. “I kicked myself all damn day for not walking you back to the dorm last night. It won’t happen again, so I don’t want you to worry about it. I’m here...” he said, his words trailing off. “But I have to be honest with you. I was so fucking pissed I looked for Brandon. I literally searched for him ready to pound my fists into his face. The son of a bitch is lucky I never found him.”

  A chill shot through me, flickers of the attack bombarding my thoughts again.

  “You did?”

  Hendrix took a deep breath and gently rubbed my arms with his hands, reassuring me it was okay.

  “I’ll be waiting for him. This isn’t over. I want to see your eyes, so I can make sure you’re okay, too. This whole damned thing is messed up.” Anger flickered across his face.

  “Mac told you about the pepper spray?” I asked, panicked.

  His hands moved toward me slowly.

  “No! I’m fine.” I cringed and pulled back quickly, my outburst drawing unwanted attention from other people in the library, but no way would I allow him to see me without my glasses. “Mac helped last night, but thanks.”

  He nodded, a twinge of hurt in his expression. “I met with Mac earlier and gave her another pepper spray. One for you and one for her.”

  “Thank you," I said softly. Hendrix must have sensed I was at capacity with the conversation and let it go for the time being.

  “How’s your Dad?” he asked.

  “Okay. I talked to him again this morning. He sounds exhausted. From what I’ve heard, it’s pretty normal though. He assured me again he was fine, and I didn’t need to come home. So I guess you’re stuck with me unless something changes.”

  “Good. I just found you; you can’t leave me.”

  My eyes grew wide at his words.

  “Yeah, but you’re just interested in me for my singing voice,” I blurted.

  “What?” he asked, confused. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because it’s true?” My pitch climbed an octave, revealing the nerves I was trying so hard to hide.

  Before I realized it, Hendrix leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. His fingers trailed down my face gently as he smiled and sank back into his chair.

  “You remember the day you asked me what I wanted from you?”

  I nodded, speechless.

  “Over the last few months of seeing you every day, sitting across from you, and the tiny pieces you’ve allowed me to see...I want more, Gemma.” He paused, studying me for a reaction. “Go out with me.”

  My breath hitched in my throat, and I struggled for a response.

  “Time,” I whispered. “I need some more time.”

  Hendrix’s jaw tightened briefly, and then he recovered.

  “Okay, but I’m not going to stop holding your hand,” he said, grinning.

  “I’m okay with that,” I replied shyly. My head throbbed with fear and excitement. “What do you have?” I nodded toward the papers in front of him, deliberately changing the direction of our conversation.

  “I made adjustments and worked in some additional places for you specifically.”

  “You did?” I was unable to hide my surprise.

  “Yeah, and I have some time in the studio if you want to go?”

  “Oh my God, that was so much fun!” My shoulders tensed the moment the words left my mouth, recalling the encounter with Brandon.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I’m fine,” I muttered, refusing to allow Brandon to stop me from enjoying the music. “Let’s go.” Hendrix took my hand and led the way out of the library, completely ignoring the stares focused on us.

  The crisp fall air greeted us, and Hendrix held the door open for me. Once outside, he took both my hands in his and placed a soft kiss on each of my palms. My heart skidded to a stop, my world spinning as he smiled and began walking toward the studio again.

  “Mac has a big mouth,” I said, falling into place next to him.

  He smiled and looked dow
n at me. “You have no idea.”

  “Yeah, speaking of…” I cleared my throat, working up the nerve to ask him. “Who is Kendra?”

  Hendrix stopped mid-step, his face clouding with so many emotions I couldn’t get a read on what he was thinking.

  He dropped my hand and ran his across his jawline.

  “I’m not mad at her for bringing Kendra up. It’s a shitty thing all the way around.” His stare fell to the grass, and he kicked at the ground. “Tell you what. When you go out with me, I’ll tell you about Kendra. Like you, I need some time before I open that box. Deal?”

  His attention traveled back up to me, his eyes questioning. I tilted my head as I considered his offer. Obviously this Kendra girl meant something significant to him or he wouldn’t have reacted so strongly. I figured if he was patient with me, I could show him the same courtesy. Besides, if I was honest with myself, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know who she was. I didn’t think learning about an ex would be easy, and I was in no hurry to find out. At the same time, I needed to understand him. I wanted him to be a part of my life.

  “Deal,” I said. “Until then, we can hang onto our secrets.”

  He nodded, intertwined his fingers through mine, and we strolled toward the studio.

  Goosebumps prickled down my arms as I realized I’d agreed to go out with him. Did he really not care what I looked like under my frumpy clothes and hat? Was he really interested in me for who I was? Was he for real?

  I thought back to my conversation with Mac last night. I believed everything she told me about Hendrix. Whether she knew it or not, she’d become my safety net where he was concerned. She knew and trusted him and apparently ran to him when she felt scared, and some part of me was able to find some solace in that. If I trusted Mac, I could learn to trust Hendrix one step at a time. I mindlessly reached up and touched my mouth where his lips had been. Heat traveled through me, and I immediately squelched any desire for him. Not until I knew for sure what his intentions were. Even then, my past might have fucked me up so bad I wouldn’t be able to move on.

  “Here we go,” Hendrix said, opening the door for me and breaking through my thoughts. Oddly enough, he had allowed me my silence. It was almost as though he was content just being next to me and holding my hand. This entire situation was boggling.

  “Thanks.” I gave him a small smile as I entered the building.

  “You’re thinking pretty hard over there,” he teased as he guided me toward the studio.

  “Processing. I mean, I tend to take situations and analyze them from multiple angles and try and break things down so they make sense.”

  “What doesn’t make sense?” Hendrix looked at me curiously, waiting for an answer.

  “Um, this,” I said, raising our still linked hands. “It’s almost like there’s an us?” My voice squeaked with the question, my heart pounding against my chest.

  “You don’t have to question it, Gemma,” he replied softly. “I do like you, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked you out. And as I said earlier, you take your time, and when you’re ready, we'll go somewhere nice and I’ll tell you about Kendra. For now, we are just us. Two people who like each other, sing together, and have some fun. That’s it. Let’s keep it simple and let the rest fall into place.”

  I gawked at his words. “You’re okay with it being like this?” I asked, skepticism lacing my words.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  I shrugged, unwilling to answer him. A heavy silence hung in the air between us, our eyes locked as though we were searching inside of each other for the answers we needed in order to take the next step.

  “You ready?” he asked, pulling out a chair at the mixing console for me.

  “Yeah, I’m eager to hear everything.” I bounced in my chair with excitement.

  He flipped some switches, and suddenly music floated through the air, surrounding us. His deep voice with its sensual tone melted me and caused tingles throughout my entire body. I had to will myself not to turn into a blob of jelly. Even though it made me weak, my heart felt stronger—alive. Every emotion possible flooded through me as the song ended.

  “So in the hook, maybe you could take it up an octave?” His eyebrows raised in question.

  I nodded. “Can I hear that part?” I leaned forward in my seat, ready to work.

  For the next few hours, we broke down the music, layered in my parts, and recorded. As much as I’d intended to keep Hendrix at arm’s length, he’d not only slipped behind my walls, but he was slowly working his way into my heart. Regardless of how much I’d tried to hide it from myself, the fact that he wrote music and sang was the main thing that lured me toward him. It was almost as though he was the pied piper and I followed along in a daze. Mac did her part to put my mind at ease, with her incessant talk about what a great guy he was and how much she trusted him, whenever I had the urge to bolt out the door.

  “So what do you think?” he asked after playing the new version all the way through. “Are you willing to perform it live?” His lips twitched in a small smile.

  I sank back against my chair, dread ripping through me at the mere idea. “Don’t push your luck.”

  “Dammit, I figured it was worth a try.” He grinned and gave me a wink.

  My eyes narrowed as an idea formed in my head. “How much is it worth to you?”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Are we bartering?”

  “Maybe. I don’t want to push too hard, though. If you want me to perform live, I’ll do it on two conditions.”

  “Yeah? And what are those?” He reached for my hand, his thumb gently brushing the back of it.

  “Ah, no cheating,” I tsked, grinning and removing my hand from his.

  A low chuckle filled the room while he leaned back and propped his long legs up on another chair.

  “Give it to me.” He motioned for me to continue.

  “First, I’ll sing with you only behind the curtain. Second, I want to know about Kendra.” My lips pursed as his face fell. If anyone understood secrets, I did, and I’d just cornered him. What in the hell had I been thinking? And when was it ever okay for my curiosity to overrule my manners? “Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was dumb, forget it.” Apparently spending time with Hendrix and writing music left me stupid.

  I stood, my shoulders sagging, my focus on the beige carpeted floor.

  “Sit.”

  My head snapped up, and I frowned. “No, Hendrix, you don’t have to say anything.”

  “Sit,” he said firmly, pointing toward my chair.

  I swallowed hard as I sank back into my seat. Did I really want to hear about his ex? Was I ready for this? Was my heart prepared to hear about someone he had loved?

  “Deal. You sing with me on this song. I don’t care if you’re on stage or behind the curtain, as long as I hear your voice with mine.”

  My head throbbed. What had I agreed to? And for what? Information that would only make me feel more insecure than I already did? I’d lost my fucking mind.

  Hendrix’s expression grew serious, and he leaned forward slowly in his chair.

  “After Dad’s third marriage—Well, I guess I need to back up a little bit. You already know Mac’s mom and my dad were married. It was his second. And honestly, I felt bad for Janice. Dad worked constantly, and when he did come home, his breath reeked of alcohol. They yelled at each other all the time, which left Mac and I hiding in one of our bedrooms together. Sometimes we’d talk about stupid shit, and sometimes we’d make up games—anything to keep our minds off the arguments. One day, I came home from school, and all of their stuff was gone. Mac’s room was empty. Janice had reached her limit and they’d left. Dad’s drinking got worse, but he was still fully functioning most of the time.” Hendrix paused, laced his fingers together, and ran his hands over his hair. “It was bad enough I’d lost Mac, but Janice had been a mom to me, too. My world fell apart, and a year or so later he married Marion. She got pregnant, and they had a daughter.” />
  My mouth gaped slightly. This wasn’t what I’d expected. Tension tightened my shoulders as I waited for him to continue.

  “Her name was Kendra,” he whispered.

  At the moment he spoke her name, my heart shattered. Was. Past tense. I blinked the tears away as I silently cursed at myself for pushing the topic.

  “After a few years, the marriage fell apart and Dad lost his law practice. He sat at home every day and drank until he passed out. Even though he wasn’t very attentive, he had visitation with Kendra, and she came over every other weekend. She was four, and I was thirteen at the time.”

  Hendrix rubbed his palms along his jeans, head bowed, his hair falling around his face. I wanted to reach out and wrap him up in my arms. I hadn’t even heard everything yet, but I had a guess, and my heart ached for him.

  “One afternoon Marion was called into work, and she asked if Dad and I could come over to help with Kendra. Dad started drinking as soon as we got there, he refused to listen to me, and he eventually passed out. I’d turned on some cartoons for Kendra and told her to stay put while I made dinner. I hurried like I always did when she was around. She was a good kid, but she still got into stuff.”

  He leaned back in his chair again. “When I was finished, I went to check on her, but she wasn’t in front of the TV where I’d left her. The front door was wide open. She’d gone outside and was playing with her ball in the front yard. I ran outside just as the ball rolled into the street.” Hendrix swallowed hard, and my body shook with dread at what he was about to say. Somehow, he managed to choke out his next words. “She never saw it coming, and the doctors said she never felt a thing.” He squeezed his eyes closed, tears hanging on his long, dark lashes. “A car came flying down the hill. Kendra never had a chance,” he said, struggling with his words.

  My hand flew up to cover my mouth. “You saw it all?” Tears slipped down my cheeks. “Hendrix,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry. I would have never asked,” I said softly, my words thick with shame for making a deal with him for this information.

  “After everything, I moved in with Mac and Janice. They helped me get my shit together and into music. Janice treated me like her own son, and Mac and I were inseparable. They are my real family.”