Love & Ruin (The Love & Ruin Series Book 1) Read online

  He glanced in my direction as he sat down at another table not far away. I inserted my earbuds again and attempted to settle down into my story. However, my brain wasn’t having it. After another ten minutes of struggling to focus, I gave up. I closed the book, stood, and shelved it. My finger tapped my phone screen, and I turned off my music.

  I strolled by him on my way out. His gaze followed me as I passed. Pushing through the front doors of the building, I struggled to control my breathing. What did he want? Was he really only concerned? I hated my need to question the motives of every person who talked to me. The only people I'd had direct contact within the last five years were my parents and Ada Lynn. I was so out of practice! Would I ever be able to trust someone again?

  My stomach growled to remind me I still needed to eat something, and I headed toward the student center. I had enough time to grab a bite and head back to the dorm before it got dark.

  * * *

  An hour later, with a full stomach, I pushed open the dorm room door and stepped inside my new home. A girl sat on the floor in a lotus position with her back to me, a tan knit cap covering her head.

  “Almost finished,” she said so softly I struggled to hear her.

  I waited patiently for her to turn around, so I could meet my new roomie.

  A young woman hopped up from the floor, whirled around, and ran toward me at full speed, knocking me against the door. Her arms wrapped around me as she hugged me.

  “Roomie! I’m so excited we already met.”

  Dear God, it was Mackenzie. I was the poor roommate who would have to put up with her loud speaking volume and heavy metal music.

  She released me, and my heart sank. She looked at me with such a hopeful expression, I immediately felt conflicted. I needed quiet and calm. She was anything but that. However, she'd been so nice and welcoming to me.

  “I’m so glad it’s you. I’m so sorry, if I’d known I would have walked you up here myself instead of just kicking you out of the car,” she said in a rush of excitement.

  Struggling to regain some sense of composure, an awkward smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. Thank God she couldn’t see my expression behind my glasses. I closed my mouth and tried to form any word in the English language. I was stumped about how to handle the moment, though.

  Mackenzie grabbed my hand and tugged me across the room, talking nonstop. She adjusted her blue jean overalls and turned toward me, speaking so fast I had a difficult time keeping up with her.

  “Wow, you all dress a lot different in Louisiana,” she said, eyeing me. “What do people say? Never judge a book by its cover. But I totally do, so I’m apologizing now. I bet you’ll be the best roomie I’ve ever had and we’ll be best friends. And since you don’t have your family here, you can share mine. I’ll introduce you to everyone I know, and we can go to any classes together we might share...” Her hazel eyes widened as she jumped up and down. “Oh my God, I’m so excited.”

  “I can tell,” I said, managing to fit in a word.

  “Call me Mac, all my friends do.” She flitted to her side of the room as I stepped backward toward my bed and sat down in utter shock. I’d never met someone that moved and talked so fast. Was everyone here like this, or was it just Mac?

  “Oh, one thing you should know about me. I’m ADHD. Do you know what that is? Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Yup, it’s me. And I tried the meds, and oh my God, they made me feel like shit, so I stopped taking them. If I can focus enough to pass my classes, I don’t ever want to take them again. My mom wants me to, though. She doesn’t know how to handle my ball of energy. And, like, I don’t sleep a lot so do you have some noise canceling headphones you can use in case I’m watching TV or something? Maybe an eye mask, so the light doesn’t keep you awake? And enough about me, tell me all about you. I want to know everything.”

  Once again, my mouth gaped open as she tossed her clothes to one side and plopped down on her bed, leaned against the wall, and honored me with a toothy grin.

  “I’ve never met anyone who talked this much,” I said.

  “Oh, you’ll get used to me. At least I hope you will. And sometimes, like when you need to study or whatever you have to tell me to shut up. If I know I’m dancing on your last nerve, I so get it, and it’s not what I mean to do. Seriously, I want you to like me, I mean we’re roomies for an entire year,” she squealed, her voice hitting a high pitch causing me to wince. “Okay, I mean it, tell me about Louisiana, and I’ll shut the hell up.”

  Anything to get this girl to hush sounded like a good idea to me.

  The second my mouth opened to speak, she charged in again.

  “Do you eat crawdads? Ew, are they disgusting? I’ve only read about Louisiana, I’ve never been to the south, but your accent is fucking amazing.” She paused briefly. “Wait, oh gosh, I didn’t just offend you with the F-bomb, did I? I won’t use it again, if it’s not okay, it’s one of my most favorite words, like ever.”

  I held my hand up to her. “Give me a minute.”

  “Oh sure, you’re probably super tired from the trip, and─.”

  “Stop,” I said. “Please.”

  Mac frowned as she slumped forward. “Sorry,” she muttered.

  Oddly enough, a few moments of silence permeated the room. Something I sorely missed already.

  “I only arrived a few hours ago, and I’m overwhelmed and exhausted. Yes, I have earphones, but I won’t use an eye mask, or I’ll have nightmares and don’t want to scare you. I can tell you about Louisiana one question at a time. It’s the only place I’ve ever lived until today, so some patience would be appreciated. I’m also adjusting to a two-hour time change. It’s part of the reason I wanted to arrive a few days early, to settle in and catch my breath. And my favorite thing in the world is peace and quiet.”

  “Oh boy. I’ve scared you already. Sorry.”

  This time Mac stopped talking instead of running over at the mouth. Maybe I could train her with positive behavior reinforcement.

  “Do you like chocolate?” I asked, working out the scenario in my head. Good behavior deserved chocolate.

  “Yes, however, the sugar makes me hyper, so it’s a rare treat.”

  Inwardly, I groaned. The last thing I wanted to do was make her more hyper. How was it even possible?

  My pulse raced as I realized Mac would be the one person who saw me without glasses and my hat. I forced myself to remove them and tossed them on the desk next to my bed.

  “Shit, why do you wear a hat? You have the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen, even with it all messy,” she said, hopping off her bed and peering at me, her face mere inches from mine. I flinched when her hand shot out and touched my hair. “And your eyes, you’re beautiful. Why would you hide?”

  I raised my hand again to stop her.

  “Keep this to yourself Mac, and we will be best friends. Obviously, we’re living together, and I have to shower and stuff, but you won’t see me in public without my glasses and hat. Don’t ask questions, it’s just the way it is. Do you understand me? Don’t tell anyone, don’t mention what I look like without them or anything else. It stays in this room. Are we clear?” My words carried a steel tone, and she straightened.

  “Best friends if I keep your secret?” She twirled her braid around her forefinger, waiting for my answer.

  “Best friends.” I’d studied enough psychology to realize what Mac wanted most was to be accepted and liked. I could do that in return for her keeping my secret.

  “Deal.” She offered her hand to shake.

  I extended mine, too.

  “Welcome to Spokane, bestie.” Her smile widened, and we shook on it.

  “Thank you,” I responded softly.

  Chapter 4

  I cried inside myself on a regular basis as Mac and I tried to adjust to each other over the next few weeks. Although she didn’t know it, I hadn’t intended on making any friends at all. However, after evaluating the campus, I realized having at least o
ne would be necessary for survival. It was also painfully obvious she needed someone to talk to. From what I could tell, Mac was just insecure. Everyone loved her no matter what nonsense she blubbered on about.

  Since this was her second year at the university, I agreed to let her show me around and help me locate my classes. She chattered about everything and nothing nonstop. After I settled into my new routine, the library became my ongoing refuge. Each day, I would slip into my sanctuary to study or read, earbuds in my ears and a scowl on my face to warn off potential interruptions. Like a dog marking his territory, I had officially laid claim to the same table and chair in the fiction section. It didn't take long before people got the message and left me alone.

  Since I thrived on schedules, after the library and before I ate dinner, I’d call Ada Lynn. It was the best part of my day. Talking to her continued to provide me the courage to give Washington a chance. She laughed until she cried as I told her about Mac. Savannah was right. Mac was, well, Mac. I’d never met anyone like her and doubted I ever would again.

  “Are Mom and Dad calming down any with your daily updates?” I asked Ada Lynn.

  “Your mom is. Your dad demands you hurry back here and stay in God’s perfect will. Don’t you worry, though. I let him know if he doesn’t knock that crap off, I won’t tell him anything about you at all. It tends to shut him up pretty fast.”

  I grinned at her feistiness. It was more than her stories, it was also the fact my parents knew I was safe, and they weren’t as worried as they would have been if no one was providing daily information. Maybe it soothed my concerns more than it did theirs.

  Ada Lynn brought me up to date on the neighborhood and city gossip. Our conversations were rarely of any real importance other than us talking, but it was our routine. Regardless if I was there or here, I didn’t want to lose the time with her.

  “How are classes going?” she asked.

  “Good, I basically hide in the back. I have gone to every one of my classes. You would be so proud of me, I haven’t missed a one.”

  “Maybe soon you’ll inch forward a bit. Now, don’t get me wrong, I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you, but I’m so proud of you I could burst.”

  “I might be a little proud of myself, too.” I hadn’t mentioned the episode with the group of guys, or that I’d nearly passed out behind the library in front of some random dude who had happened to be studying. There was no need to worry her, and I hadn’t seen him again. It was just a one-time fluke he’d even been around anyway.

  “Well, you get your studies done and call me tomorrow. Love you, girl.”

  “Love you too, Ada Lynn.”

  I tapped the phone, disconnecting the call. The time flashed on the screen, reminding me I only had a few hours left to spend at the library before it got dark. I grabbed my earbuds and backpack and headed out.

  Since Mac was glued to me as much as possible, I was rarely alone unless we had a separate class, or I was in the library. Although my ears and brain got tired of her chattiness, she was growing on me, and I was grateful she was by my side most of the time. Not to mention I’d developed the uncanny ability to tune her out, but still respond to her in a way so she had no idea I was mentally elsewhere.

  The soothing scent of books engulfed me as I strolled through the doors and to my corner table in the fiction section. I glanced around and observed my surroundings before I settled in.

  An hour and a half later, even though I was dialed into my music and my studies, I didn’t miss when the chair diagonal from me moved.

  I pulled one headphone out, my eyes traveling up. It was him. My heart stuttered. We’d had this conversation three weeks ago when he’d invited himself to sit down with me. What did he not understand about leaving me alone when other seats were available? Maybe I needed to draw a big sign for him that read, “Go Away!”

  He flashed me a panty dropping smile as I stared at him, deadpan, mentally willing him to get up, turn around, and walk away. Ignoring me, he settled into his chair, scooted up to the table, grabbed a book out of his backpack, and nonchalantly began his homework. Although he was no longer looking at me, I continued to glare at him.

  After a long minute, I put my earbud back in and turned my music on. No matter how hard I tried, I knew he was there, and it was throwing me off. I stopped my music again and smacked my phone and headphones on my book.

  His gaze shot up to me.

  “Fine, what do you want?” I asked, my voice thin with impatience.

  His blue eyes traveled slowly over me. I felt the gravity of his gaze, and an uncomfortable tightness gripped my chest.

  “Can’t a person study? I’m sure you’ve noticed how noisy the dorms are,” he said matter-of-factly while he tucked his hair behind his ear.

  “Yeah, I have. Sit somewhere else. This is my spot. It’s the only time I have to myself and don’t have to share a space with someone.”

  “Other than the shower,” he added dryly.

  What was with this guy? Did he have an answer for everything?

  “My showers or lack thereof are none of your business.” Maybe if he thought I didn’t shower every day, he’d leave. Unfortunately it didn’t faze him.

  “I like it back here. I’ll study, and I promise I won’t try to talk to you.”

  My nostrils flared with his resistance. I knew he was right, but there were literally five other tables with no one sitting at them. What the hell?

  I slammed my book closed and huffed loudly, earning a dirty stare from the librarian, while I gathered my belongings. He glanced up from his book, frowning.

  “Hope you enjoy your night,” I spat before I walked away.

  My body slammed against the door bar as I threw it open and stomped across the lobby, making a beeline for the front door of the building. Stepping outside, I noticed the sun had begun its descent, and the temperature had already cooled from when I’d arrived at the library.

  My feet came to an abrupt halt while I encountered the same group of guys who had given me shit my first day on campus.

  The group’s loud mouth peered at me, and a nasty grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. “Hey, baby, did you miss me? I’ve been keeping my eye on you. Not that you’re difficult to spot, just look for the sloppy clothes and grandma hat.” His buddies laughed as my cheeks flushed.

  “Leave me alone,” I said, attempting to act braver than I felt.

  “Aww, how cute. It talks.” He cracked his neck, his stare traveling up and down my body.

  I quickly scanned the area around us, but his group had effectively positioned themselves to take up the majority of the space that led to the stairs, not just at the top but at the bottom as well. I wasn’t sure I could move safely around them. Not to mention there were four of them and only one of me.

  My heart pounded, and I stepped forward, testing their motives.

  “Now, now, don’t run off so soon. We have all night to get acquainted.” He walked toward me, blocking my way, and crushing my hopes of getting around him. My head throbbed with fear. I knew his type, and most of the time it was about intimidation. However, I had a bad feeling he would take it further, and I wasn’t interested in finding out. I’d had more than my fair share of crap from men.

  “Leave her alone,” someone demanded from behind me.

  The shit eating grin dropped off my harasser’s face.

  “Aw, how cute, pretty boy came to save his girl.”

  “Shut the hell up, Brandon. Leave her alone.”

  The guy from the library stepped in front of me, shoulders back. He wasn’t a huge guy, but something about him commanded the space.

  “Fuck you, Hendrix,” Brandon said, spitting on Hendrix’s shoes.

  I couldn’t see Hendrix’s facial expression, but there was no way he wasn’t pissed right now.

  My eyebrows shot up as Brandon stepped forward and the two stood toe-to-toe. Were they going to fight? Over me? I froze, unable to breathe.

&nbs
p; Hendrix waited patiently until Brandon backed down.

  “Next time,” he said, sneering at me. “You won’t have your bodyguard with you. This isn’t over, and I’m watching you. Everywhere you go,” Brandon hissed.

  My resolve withered as he and his group of asshats walked away. A cry escaped me, and I slapped my hand over my mouth.

  Hendrix turned to me slowly, worry lines creased his forehead as my body betrayed me, and I visibly trembled in front of him.

  “Here, sit down,” he said, guiding me by my elbow to the stone wall near the steps.

  “Thank you,” I croaked. “Not sure what I did to him. He harassed me on my first day here.”

  “He feeds on it, you’re not the only one.”

  I searched his face and only found compassion and concern. Even though he’d saved me, he’d pushed me too, by getting in my space in the library. And now…now he sat so close to me our shoulders touched. I couldn’t be this close to him. He couldn’t touch me again.

  “I have to go,” I said, suddenly jumping up from my seat and darting down the stairs.

  “Wait, what’s your name?” Hendrix called after me.

  I didn’t respond. Instead, I ran as fast as my feet would take me all the way back to my dorm. By the time I’d ran up the stairs and burst through the door, tears were streaming down my face, my breaths coming in short, jagged bursts.

  “Whoa!” Mac cried, her voice filled with surprise.

  I slammed the door behind me, crawled into bed, and shrank in the corner. Sobs shook my shoulders while my mind taunted me and replayed Brandon’s words over and over.

  “Hey, hey,” Mac said, crawling in my bed next to me. “Shh,” she said and patted my arm.

  I flinched at her touch and then grabbed her hand, welcoming my new friend into my dark world even if it was only briefly.

  I slipped off my glasses and hat and placed them on my desk as I regained a bit of my composure. Mac remained wide-eyed and—for the first time since I’d met her─quiet.